No matter how much you do, or give, you always feel like you’re not measuring up. PTO, birthday party favors, scouts, dance, sports, waxing, yoga, orthodontist appointments, eating organic... being a mom is a full time (exhausting/underpaid/underappreciated) job. Do you feel like everyone else is doing it so much better than you, or knows a secret hack that you don’t? The truth is, we all feel that way. We just don’t talk about it with each other because we don’t want to look like we are weak, or even worse, unhappy about the gift of motherhood. Expecting ourselves to conform to an unattainable standard can be debilitating. And thinking we should be happy all the time is making us sad and sick. It is impossible to do it all.

You don’t have to have it all together. And you definitely don’t have to do it alone. Working with a therapist on identifying your values and goals, and learning to welcome and acknowledge the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings (rather than pushing away or suppressing them), can help you integrate your thoughts and feelings into an authentic self. If you can let go of the shame and guilt of unworthiness, you will have more space for growth and joy. Embrace your struggles and greatness momma. You work hard for everyone else. Believe that you can work just as hard for yourself.

National statistics indicate that one in five mothers struggle with mental health issues and up to 80% of new mothers experience baby blues and postpartum mood changes. Mothers have traditionally juggled multiple roles and responsibilities: the home, meals, budgeting, schooling, and career. While trying to balance it all, mothers and their mental wellness often come last. Mothers carry the emotional load of the household, and that can be overwhelming. But neglecting your needs and not taking care of yourself means you can’t take care of anyone else either. The most effective thing you can do as a parent (and partner) is to work through your own stuff so you don’t take it out on the people you love.

Having a baby is supposed to be the best time in a parent’s life. But many new moms struggle with increased anxiety and depression after baby is born and 15 to 20% of new moms experience significant symptoms of anxiety and depression. The term postpartum depression is generally used to describe the changes in mental health that women experience after childbirth but Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs) more fully describes the range of women’s experience, ranging from postpartum depression and anxiety to postpartum OCD, PTSD, Bipolar Disorder and Psychosis.

Therapy for anxiety is a great way to get a handle on your working mom guilt and struggles with never measuring up. DBT and mindfulness practices can help you learn to notice, regulate and accept what you are thinking and feeling. And EMDR can be helpful in working through the past so it is not so painful in the present.